facing my fears?

One of the few down sides to living alone is the unfortunate necessity to trap and/or kill bugs and spiders myself.  I've reluctantly embraced the trapping/killing part....but I seriously lack the nerve for the actual disposal phase. It's awful, I know. Especially with roaches and centipedes, I tend to leave it just sitting there for a couple days while I gauge my level of nerve every time I walk by. It's completely irrational....but I'm afraid it will come back alive and attack me once I try to get rid of it. As long as I can see the dead body....I begin to reinforce in my mind that it has still not changed positions and is okay to pick up. Eventually I muster the courage and squeal as I maneuver it into the trash and out the door.

While temporarily living in Florida to do freelance design work, the company set me up in this amazing 2 bedroom condo with a screened-in deck. The screens gave me a false sense of security, apparently.....and I was not fully prepared when I faced an enormous "palmetto bug" aka American cockroach on the deck. Did you know that they can fly? My worst fears were realized. As usual, I managed to trap it fairly quickly, though not happily. However, it left me so traumatized that I haven't brought myself to actually take it beyond that step.

Finally, I decided if it's going to just sit out there on the deck under a glass, I might as well make use of it and draw it like a specimen. I told myself it was a way to face my fears. The jury is still out on that one. It's managed to gross out 80% of my friends, however.

This was done with Pigma Micron pens on Vellum multi-purpose 9x12